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» Signs Of The Zodiac
Signs Of The Zodiac
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are
stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.
PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends, and people resent
you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are
quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You too are a jerk.
TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means
you are a cheap bastard.
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples
problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you
will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you're an
idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your
arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves and spend most of their lives kissing
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking
is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional. Virgos make good bus drivers
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain
are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) - The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and
cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius'
are drunks. You are not worth the time of day.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) - You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks.
You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You
should kill yourself.
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